lately: don't sweat the small stuff

Over the past several years, I have struggled with deciding whether to pursue Nursing or something English related. It's been extremely difficult for me because I can see myself enjoying both professions. Within the past couple of weeks, however, God has been clearly opening some doors and closing others with His perfectly orchestrated timing. I will describe two such experiences for you.

First, I have been blessed with the wonderful opportunity of volunteering at the Women's Hope Clinic in Auburn. The nurse that I work under is actually from a town very close to where my parents live in England (small world, huh?) so I have really enjoyed working with her. Through my interactions with the nurses and clients there, I have felt the Lord placing a desire in my heart to work with soon-to-be mothers and their families. I've always thought I wanted to work with children, but being able to hear some of these women at the clinic tell their stories, admit their fears, and seek guidance & support from the nurses has touched my heart in a way I cannot explain. I have seen the desperation in their eyes and want more than anything to tell them how much their Father loves them and their unborn child. I'm certainly open to exploring other areas, but this experience has definitely been a rewarding one that I hope to pursue further. The thought also crossed my mind one day while at volunteering that I could take my experiences with my patients one day and use them to write a sort of devotional or book of encouragement. MAYBE. This has been the first time I have ever felt the desire to really write anything at that caliber so I feel like that was a direct thought from the Lord and am definitely willing to see where He takes me with it. Opening of door #1: a way to be a nurse and keep my love for English & writing alive.

Second, I recently applied for a job at the Writing Center on Auburn's campus. The job includes helping other students with any kind of writing assignment, giving presentations on the Writing Center to classes, and sometimes attending writing conferences. The interview was 15 minutes of the coordinator and two current tutors asking me non-stop questions. The very first question one of them asked me was this: "I see on your application that you are a Pre-Nursing major but your favorite subject is English. Why did you choose Nursing?" I couldn't help but laugh a little. Believe me, I've wondered the same thing...

I answered honestly, though. I explained that although I could see myself doing both, I would rather pursue Nursing first and then come back to English if I wanted to rather than go with English and try to apply to Nursing School later. Nursing is just too competitive to try to pick up late, in my opinion. They seemed pleased with this answer and interested in all the things I said.

Or so I thought.

I received an e-mail yesterday afternoon that I was not offered the position. I had tried to prepare myself for not getting the job, but it was still a little upsetting. Next semester was the only chance I had to attempt to get a job and the "dream job," in my mind, didn't take me. Closing of door #2: opportunity to pursue an English related career.

Now, I'm very aware that they only had 3 or 4 spots available for the job and probably many more people apply than I realize or they were just looking for English related majors. I'm also aware that this was no surprise to the Lord. If He had wanted me to get the job, He would have made a way, and I'm sure of it.  As I've thought about this situation more and more, I've just had a peace in my heart that He absolutely intended for these circumstances to happen and for me to put my faith in Him. Although I sometimes don't understand what He's doing, I know He intends it for my good and His glory.

At a Monday Night Bible Study this semester, the college women's director, Jenn, said something that I will probably never forget. We have been studying Ephesians this semester and this particular night was focused on Ephesians 1:3-14. Verses 11 and 12 say, "In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory." Jenn talked about how often we hear people say, "gosh, I wonder what the Lord's will is for my life..." (guilty). The answer to this question should be clear in these verses. The Lord's purpose for our lives is that we would bring him glory in whatever we do. Jenn summed it up like this, "Give God the glory in everything you do. Don't sweat the small stuff." If anything the Lord has been teaching me has ever hit me smack in the face harder than that did, I don't remember it.

I find myself making too many plans, filling in my time with things that I think I need to do right now that I really need to be handing over to the Lord to be taken care of in His time. These experiences have taught me that if I humble myself and patiently wait on the Lord, then His perfect plan will unfold. Being patient is one of my biggest troubles in today's society filled with instant gratification. iPhones, internet, and social media that allows us to be updated on one another's lives at every minute of every day. Sometimes I act like the Lord should be answering my questions as quickly as my friends can send me a text message. These experiences have clearly taught me that I cannot expect instant answers from the Lord, especially if I want His plan to work out exactly as He intends it to.

So that pretty much sums up what's been going on in my life lately. I am still trying to patiently humble myself to His will and surrender my plans to Him, which will be an ongoing process until my life on this earth is done. Thanks be to God for His grace and love.

Grace and Peace.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalms 42:5-6a

"I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps." Jeremiah 10:23

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." Psalms 37:5-7a

where the heart is

Fact: This past week, I stayed in a different place each night, Monday through Friday.

I was well taken care of in each place, it's just crazy to think that sometimes I really do feel like a nomad, wandering around from place to place, searching for somewhere to call home.

I spent this past summer with my family in England and I had an absolutely wonderful time. I will admit, though, that towards the end I had my heart set on getting back to Auburn. Once I set foot on American soil, however, I was overcome by the heat and humidity, immediately ready to get right back on a one-way flight to England. In that moment, I was truly overwhelmed by the drastic differences between my life in England and what life would be like coming back to the States. As I thought about it, I realized that there are definitely things I love and don't love about each place. At the time, I did not love the rain and cold weather in England. I missed the sunshine! After getting back to the States, I was very happy to see the sun again, but realized how much I missed the cool, crisp air in the UK. When I'm in the States, I miss my family and England in general (I have to admit, I think I'm part British). When I'm in England, I miss my boyfriend, my friends, and other little things from the States (American food, Southern hospitality, etc.).

As I was thinking through this, I realized something...my heart will NEVER be completely happy anywhere that I live. I know this sounds pessimistic, but hear me out. There will always be something to enjoy in one place that you can't have in another. There will always be something that you will miss because you can't get it anywhere else. And the truth is, at least I believe it to be the truth, that God wired us to always have a longing for something more. A place in our heart that feels like something is just not quite right in making a place "home."

Because heaven is our home. 

God is teaching me to be most satisfied in HIM, rather than the things of this earth, and that I will always be a wanderer in this world until He calls me home. I am definitely 100% okay with this. If I were satisfied in calling this earth "home," then what would make heaven any more appealing? God wants us to long for His glory & presence in such a way that we canNOT wait to be with Him for eternity.

So here's to those of us who will wander on this earth until our Father calls us home. Let's make the most of every opportunity we have as we travel to new places and live for the moment rather than wasting time waiting for the "what's next," whether that may be college, a move you're hoping to make in the near future, or anything else. Live for today, and give all the glory to God.

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" James 4:13-15

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11 (bold emphasis mine)

Grace and Peace.

happy tears

I just want to begin this post by saying God is so good and He takes care of EVERYTHING in HIS time, whether we understand it or not. I am so humbled and blessed that He has taken such good care of me this semester by giving me the strength to get through my classes and the patience to stick it through to the end, so that I can now enjoy a relaxing summer break with no regrets about last semester.

Last night, I checked my Chemistry grade and saw that I made an 86 on the final! I was extremely excited already and then I scrolled up a little bit to see that the final had replaced an earlier, lower test grade and brought my class grade up to an 88, which is an A for that professor's class...I made an A in Chemistry. It still feels weird to say because I was not expecting it AT ALL...I even started crying because I was so overwhelmed when I found out! I sincerely prayed before that final that the Lord would give me peace and help me to just focus and do my best, whether that brought me to a B or C or whatever. I can't stop smiling about the fact that I KNOW the only reason I made the A was because of Him and because sweet family and friends were praying for me during my finals and He listened. Now God is still the same awesome, powerful, almighty, gracious God whether I made an A or an F, but He threw in the A because He can...ALL FOR HIS GLORY!! I'm also still laughing about the fact that my dear friend, Taylor, and I were just trying to do what our nursing advisor told us ("because you girls make such good grades, you can just get a C in Chemistry and GET OUT...") and the Lord blessed us BOTH with A's because we trusted Him to get us through! To Him be the glory 100%!!

I am so thankful for all of the support of friends and family and so thankful for my Savior's love and grace. 

Grace and Peace.

because of, not in spite of

Over Christmas break, I was able to spend a week in England with my family. I've been on an airplane multiple times and can almost quote all of the safety videos, but on this trip I was intrigued by a new Delta commercial that aired before the safety video. The commercial talked about how Delta employees work hard to make Delta be a wonderful airline company because of the problems that come with the industry, not despite them. I think that's a really good way to look at things. If you have to ignore the problems that come along with a task, then you're not really enjoying it. Part of the challenge is to take a problem and solve it with enthusiasm, not frustration. I know that is a difficult thing for me a lot of times. I also definitely think I can apply this perspective to my faith in Christ. Do I love Christ because of my problems, which lead me to come to Him for help and guidance, or do I only love Christ when things are going great and ignoring Him when things aren't so great?

I definitely am going to be working harder in the coming weeks to have this outlook on the situations I encounter, especially as classes get going and assignments become difficult. I know school is probably the most superficial example I could come up with, but it's definitely the most difficult aspect of my life at the moment.

In everything, I want to be able to say that I love Christ because of my difficulties. Because I am rewarded by seeing how He gives me strength I could have never found on my own. I don't want to say I love Christ in spite of my difficulties.


"Consider it PURE JOY, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Grace and Peace.