It has been way too long since I've written a blog post...my excuse basically is when I do think of something to write about, I don't have time to write a post or when I do have time to write a post, I'm usually too exhausted to think of something worth writing about. Thankfully I have the time to write this post and I know I need to write it, for me and for several of you who may need to read it.
This post is pretty much going to be me pouring out my heart about my life, what I'm going through and what God is teaching me so...here it goes.
Here's the truth of it:
College. Is. Hard.
It doesn't matter how many AP classes you take, how much you think you want to be out and on your own, how many friends you'll have going with you to the same college, or how prepared you think you are. The transition is HARD. I definitely didn't learn this the easy way.
The first and probably most superficial misunderstanding I had about college was that classes would be easier after the amount of work I did in high school. I took several AP courses and yes, I thankfully have background experience and former knowledge for some of the classes I am in now, but the amount of information you are expected to learn (tons) in the amount of time you have to learn it (not much) makes studying much more demanding and it has challenged me to look at how I manage my time and learn to do the best I can and rely on God for the strength I need to learn what I need to know.
The second thing I've found hard about college would probably be making intentional relationships. I didn't really see this one coming, but I've discovered I really have to remind myself to be intentional when I meet new people because sometimes I get used to having some of my old friends from high school with me (especially at the church I attend here) so when I go to an event or something where I'm not with my friends, I have to branch out. I don't really know why this is so hard for me, but it is. I guess it's because my mind is always elsewhere and I have a hard time reminding myself to really make the most of every opportunity to make new friends or be a witness, but God has really been convicting me recently that I need to be prepared every second of every day to be a witness for Him, whether it's just by saying "hello" or as much as listening to someone pour out their heart when they just need someone to listen.
The biggest thing that I'm having trouble with though would definitely have to be missing my family. I'm not trying to be "goody goody" or anything when I say this...I am completely serious. I guess around the beginning of senior year, I started looking forward to being on my own and I knew I'd be able to come home and visit and it was going to be no big deal and being independent was going to rock and it was just gonna be great. Well, about halfway through senior year we found out about my family's move to England and everything changed. At first, I was completely excited that I would be going there on vacations and things like that, but once the spring rolled around and school was almost over, I realized that everything was about to completely change. Now I already knew about the basic things that were going to change, regardless of whether my family left or not, such as no more pizza and movie nights on Fridays/Saturdays, no more nightly cups of coffee made by dad, and things like that. But then some serious reality hit me. I wasn't coming back home. At least to that house anyway. My family was leaving, I was going off to college, and I wouldn't be coming back to that house again. No weekend trips. No Thanksgiving with them. When I go back to Birmingham, I can only drive by that house, look at the swing in the front yard and remember sitting on it with my family, just enjoying being together, look at the yard that Dad worked so hard to keep clean, see the backyard where I used to watch Trey and Dad throw the baseball or football while I sat outside or did homework and realize I'm never going back. I'm never eating a family meal in that kitchen again. Never decorating my room for Christmas in that house again. I mean I hate to just list all these things and make it sound so depressing but the thing is...the reality of all these things have really hit me hard as I've come to college. I'm definitely working through them and I'm not depressed or anything, but it's really hard to watch friends go home for the weekend or school break and know they get to actually go home. I've definitely had great visits with people who I love dearly, but I've just had to pray hard for some love when it gets tough. I've had a couple of times where I literally was crying before God, sort of asking and yelling about why He would put me through something this hard, but every time I've come to Him, I've felt Him saying, "Don't you see? You're getting distracted. All these things you're missing, they're superficial. They're earthly. They pass away with time, regardless of where your family is. I'm giving you this opportunity to trust in me more. You need to rely on me. You need to give up these things you're holding on to." and I know He's got something big planned for me. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I need to be going through this to learn how to put every ounce of my being in Christ because He is the one who will NEVER leave or forsake me, will ALWAYS love me, will ALWAYS listen to me, and loved me enough to die for me.
This has been a huge reality check for me. All of these areas. And I just want to add that yes, I have seen my family and the visit was wonderful (although brief) but I'm thankful for it and I know they are where God wants them to be just as much as I am where God wants me to be. I'm just still in the stage of God teaching me what He wants me to learn from this experience.
One major thing I've been doing very recently that is immensely helping strengthen my trust in God is memorizing scripture. My sweet boyfriend sent me a link to a website earlier in the semester that has a ton of verses that directly relate to God's promises during times of stress and doubt, so I have been slowly but surely trying to memorize them all. Even if it takes all of college and even more, I'm determined to learn them because even just the first few I've memorized have been wonderful reminders for me to think about throughout the day. The first verse I looked at helped me completely change my perspective on my "sufferings":
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on the Lord because He cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:6-11.
(I will admit I had to look this up to make sure I got it all in there and remembered parts correctly. Cool thing about memorizing scripture: you can always go back a re-learn the passages for refreshing's sake and even to gain a new perspective on what the verses are saying)
This passage was perfect for this time period in my life because it starts by reminding me to BE HUMBLE! I'm not the only one on the planet going through a hard time and need to be considerate of others who are struggling as well! I also need to humble myself under God's mighty hand as a reminder that I cannot find strength to carry on on my own. I have to let Him work in me to lift me up in due time. Secondly, I have to cast all my anxiety on the Lord. I can't let my stresses bog me down. And I know I can surrender my anxieties to Christ because He loves and cares for me and wants to take care of me! I just have to give it up and let him! Next, it reminds me to be self-controlled, especially with my emotions, and to be on guard. In other words...don't get distracted! The devil wants for me to be put down in these situations. The devil wants me to give up, have a pity party, and yell at God for putting me through this. But that's because the devil knows God is trying to move in me. I have to be on guard if I want God to be the one in control of my life, not earthly distractions placed in the way by the devil. Then I'm reminded that I can stand firm in my faith because my Christian brothers and sisters are undergoing the same kind of sufferings! I'm not alone! This is why I definitely feel like spending time with Christian brothers and sisters is so important because you have the opportunity to love on each other and support one another. And then God promises that after suffering a little while, when I learn what He needed to teach me, I will be able to share with eternal glory in Christ! He will restore me, making me strong, firm and steadfast! What an incredible promise!
Even as I write this post, I am filled with hope for the future and an indescribable feeling of contentment and love that I know can only come from Christ. I am so thankful that He is challenging me to grow and that Lakeview, the church I attend in Auburn and one of the most incredible body of believers, is pouring in to me and challenging me to grow in my faith.
Also I just want to say thank you for prayers and support that I know are being lavishly poured out on me. It means so much, especially when I think about times when I've been ready to just break down but I've felt God pick me up in ways only He can.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not recognize it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." -Isaiah 43:18-19.
"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
Grace and Peace.
